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Auror Weasley [userpic]
The Daily Prophet for April 6th
by Auror Weasley (auror_weasley)
at January 6th, 2007 (10:16 pm)

The Dynamic Duo
The Boy-Who-Loved and His Red-Headed Sidekick – Ministry Pick-up Artists
By: Rita Skeeter

Rita Skeeter here. Reporting on all the news you want to hear. Last night’s Ministry event: Heroes – Past and Present went off brilliantly. Wizards from all over the world came together to honor all the fabulous achievements of wizard-kind in the past 200 years. And yours truly was there with a front row seat.

Honorees attended from Antarctica to Zimbabwe. Wizards mingled with the portraits of those who have gone on. But the biggest honor of the night was bestowed upon Harry Potter. Harry has been a dear friend of mine since the Tri-Wizard events when he was only 12 years old.

The true story from this night of revelry was not about any of the honors. Rita Skeeter has hunted down the real story just for her loyal readers. The real story of the evening, Ladies and Gentlemen, comes to us from the two lovely ladies I had the opportunity to speak to.

These two ladies who have the dirt inside scoop on Harry Potter and his friend Donald Weasley. Lavender Brown and Eloise Midgen are here today to tell us what happened after the glitz and glamour of the evening.

Skeeter: So ladies, it is nice to have you here with us today.

Brown: Thank you so much, Rita. It’s nice to be here today.

Midgen: Yes, thank you.

Skeeter: So, let’s get right down to it. You are here today to tell us your stories about what happened AFTER the event. Tell me, what happened?

Brown: Well, I had gone to the Heroes event as a personal guest of Minister.

Skeeter: Really? That is sooo interesting. And did you happen meet any old friends there?

Brown: Oh yes, I had a lovely night catching up with many of my old school friends. But I was most excited to catch up with my dear friend, Harry Potter.

Skeeter: Ah, yes. Mister Potter. The main honoree of the evening.

Midgen: I was there, too.

Skeeter: Yes, of course you were dear. And who did you meet?

Midgen: Well, I was overjoyed to finally meet Phineas Fogwater, the man who invented the…

Skeeter: No, my dear. I meant did you meet anyone interesting?

Midgen: He was interesting.

Skeeter: So, Lavender – tell us about Harry Potter.

Brown: Well, I’ve been friends with Harry since we were in school together. He’s always been a lot of fun. And last night was no different. We danced until the band stopped playing.

Skeeter: Yes, and when the party was over, that was when the fun really began, wasn’t it?

Brown: Oh yes. When everyone was beginning to leave, Harry asked if he could walk me to the floo. I thought this would be the end to the night. But as I was preparing to go home, Harry asked if I’d like to come to his place for “a nightcap”

Skeeter: He didn’t? Tell me more.

Brown: So we all went back to Harry’s place.

Skeeter: All? Who else was there?

Brown: Oh, yes – Eloise and the Weasle came along, too.

Midgen: Stop calling him that, Lavender. His name is Ron and you know it.

Skeeter: So, you four went back to Harry’s flat? Tell me, what was it like?

Brown: Well, I had expected a bit more. The flat was a little messy. And it had a strange smell. But, Harry was very charismatic. He made us something called a Mystic Mohito. He and the weasel…

Midgen: Lavender, you promised!

Brown: Fine. Harry and Weasley kept drinking some other foul smelling drink. But they kept telling us it was a “health tonic”

Skeeter: And then what happened?

Brown: Well, after a few drinks, Harry asked me if I wanted to see the moon. I thought he was going to take me up to the roof. But before I knew it, I was up in his room.
Skeeter: His room? Really, tell us more!

Brown: Well, we had a fun night. But when I woke up this morning, he wasn’t there. I went down to the kitchen and the weasel…I mean, Weasley’s brothers were in the kitchen. They said Harry had to leave. But that he “thanked” me for the night.

Skeeter: Oh, really? What an ungentlemanly thing to do!

Eloise: Ron was very nice. After Lavender and Harry left, he flooed me home and made sure I got in safely. He was very much a gentleman.

Brown: And I had thought that Harry was such a nice man. I just don’t know…

At this point Ms. Brown began to cry. I tried comforting her, but could not get anything further from her. I mean, she was inconsolable. Harry Potter, the supposed-to-be Savior of the Wizarding World is a cad. Who uses women and then throws them away. Is this the man we want to be honoring? I ask you, loyal readers, is this the man we want to save us all?