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Auror Weasley [userpic]
Degoming the Garden and Twins- April 5th
by Auror Weasley (auror_weasley)
at November 29th, 2006 (10:56 pm)

current location: The garden
Mental State: frustrated
Background Chatter: Harry cursed and gnomes giggling

I've checked every room upstairs but I can't find Harry.

Damn it! I told him to rest! He promised!

I swear I'm going to have to tell Mum on him. The prat has only been awake for a couple of hours. He tried to seduce me twice, tried to climb in the shower with me, and he's probably down there making me something like raw oysters for breakfast.

Does he not realize he could have died?

Honestly, you would think after an experience like that he might consider just resting for a bit.

I head downstairs and tug my shirt on when I reach the landing.

Wouldn't want to tempt him.

"Oi, Harry," I call out as I walk towards the kitchen. "Mate, I thought I told you to rest."

I enter the kitchen to find it completely spotless and empty.

Bugger! Where the hell is he? Did Moody kidnap him and force him back to St Mungo's?

"Fucking, no good, worthless—"

The voice is coming from outside and I almost trip in my haste to get outside.

What I see astounds me, angers me, and quite frankly scares the hell out of me. Harry's in the garden, chucking gnomes over the fence, and the words leave my mouth before I can stop them.

"Fucking hell, Harry," I shout as I storm through the grass. "You were injured! Now is not the time to degnome the garden!"


Posted by: Auror Potter (auror_potter)
Posted at: November 30th, 2006 02:58 am (UTC)
Harry Confused

I had planned a romantic breakfast this morning after trying several times to get Ron to shag me already and the plan I'd concocted was damn near brilliant, if I do say so myself. I had finished cleaning the kitchen when Moody's owl arrived.

"Fucking... no good... worthless piece of..."

"Fucking hell, Harry!" Ron shouts from the kitchen and I swing the gnome several times and pitch it as far as I can over the fence. "You were injured! Now is not the time to degnome the garden!" Ron says in a fury as he storms out to where I've been pitching gnomes over the bloody fence since reading Moody's owl.

"He's bloody useless, he is!" I say throwing another gnome over the fence... farther this time, I note. "Smarmy git probably found a way to get the barrister to... fucking asshole bastards!" This one shouts 'whee' as I pitch it and it only makes me more angry.

"Do you want to tell me what this is about?" Ron asks nervously.

Pitching one more over the fence, I pant and double over trying to catch my breath. "Moody sent an owl this morning," I tell him between gulps of air. "Goddamn, bloody asswipes couldn't keep them! He couldn't find one goddamn thing to hold them with? Let's see... there's the fact that they're Death Eaters, they attacked a muggle village, have murdered countless of people and oh yeah... let's not forget that fucking asshole of a Potions Master murdered our Headmaster!" I roar and kick a gnome that's come back under the fence blowing raspberries at me.

"Why you fucking little deformed potato!" I shout just before kicking it football-style over the goddamn bloody fence.

Posted by: Auror Weasley (auror_weasley)
Posted at: November 30th, 2006 02:58 am (UTC)
Ron: Reading Letter

My anger drains away but worry still gnaws at the pit of my stomach.

Okay he's talking about Snape

"Nice one, Harry."

I watch the gnome fly over the fence and ponder how to proceed.

"Could I see the letter, Mate?"

He picks up two more gnomes and spins twice before chucking them over the fence. I don't really know whether to be impressed or to be horrified over what he's putting himself through after last night. I'm sure he's running a mix of fear and pure adrenaline.

"Fine," Harry shouts. "You want to be as mad as I am? Accio letter!"

The letter flies from the house so fast that the breeze from it ruffles my hair. I gape for a moment when I realize that Harry did wandless magic.

"Hold on, you just did wandless—"

"Happens when I get angry and that fucking bastard Moody is going to have to answer to me."

I scan the letter and my frustration nears its boiling point. I stare at Moody's words in disbelief.


Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy escaped capture last evening. They convinced the guard holding them to release them. We're not sure how it happened.

Make no mistake that we will discuss your lack of professionalism when you return to camp on Monday.

I expect to see you at the Minister's Ceremony tonight.

Kingsley and Moody

"They're completely daft!" I growl. "How many times have they warned us! They gave away when you'll be returning to camp. They convince the guards to let them go? How the bloody hell is that possible?"

"Jedi mind trick."


"Jedi mind trick!"

Posted by: Auror Potter (auror_potter)
Posted at: November 30th, 2006 02:59 am (UTC)
Tired of it all

I stare at him disbelief, gaping for a few seconds before yelping as the little bugger in my hands bites my thumbs. I pitch him as far as I can before doubling over in pain. Great, pulled something on top of everything else!

Ron runs over to check on me and I shake him off. "I'm fine," I lie. Just bloody fucking well annoyed that they fucking let the smarmy bastards get away and yet somehow I'm the one that's in trouble. How the bloody hell does that make any goddamn sense, I ask you?"

Panting, I make my way to one of the tall trees in the garden and unceremoniously, drop to the floor then bang my head against the tree.

"I expect to see you at the Minister's Ceremony tonight he says," I mimic Moody's gruff voice and make meh-meh-meh sounds before summoning the parchment from Ron's hand and setting on fire… wandlessly.

Posted by: Auror Weasley (auror_weasley)
Posted at: November 30th, 2006 02:59 am (UTC)
Ron/Harry: Scared

I stare at Harry for a moment and cross the small distance between us. I pull my wand from the holster at my ankle and quickly summon my bag. I pull out two bottles of potions and a Chocolate Frog before kneeling next to him.

"That wandless magic is brilliant," I grin. "Now how about letting me examine you?"

"I'm fine, Ron," Harry sucks in a deep breath and winces. "There's nothing wrong with me."

"Then why won't you let me take a look at you?" I arch my eyebrow. "Look if you're a good boy I'll let you have this Chocolate Frog."

Harry glares at me, "I'm fine."

"First off, you're not fine. Second off—I'm going to examine you, you're going to take your potions, and you're not going to fuss."

"How the hell did this become my fault!" Harry shouts and bangs his head against the tree. "Really, I want to understand! How did Moody turn this around on me? Is it my fault Aurors aren't trained in Occlumency?"


"No, really Ron explain this to me! I have to go to the bloody ceremony tonight and kiss arse."

"No you don't," I run my wand up and down his side while he's not paying attention. "Unbutton your shirt, Mate."

"Finally," Harry growls. "A shag might do me good."

"No, I'm going to look at your stitches and do a check up."

"I told you I'm fine!"

"Stop being such a pansy, Harry and let me look you over!"

Posted by: Auror Potter (auror_potter)
Posted at: November 30th, 2006 03:00 am (UTC)
He Loves Me

"Stop being such a worrywart and shag me already!" I answer with a wink. He rolls his eyes and continues to wave his wand over me. I'd rather he wave another wand over me, but he's not giving in, damn him!

"What's this about me not having to do kiss arse tonight? You read the bloody owl, I'm expected at the fucking ball!"

He looks up at me, his eyebrows raised then throws his head back and laughs.

"What's so funny?"

"Just picturing you in fancy witch's robes for the ball. You'd look smashing in pink. Hermione…" he quickly looks down at where his wand is poised over my knee and shakes his head. "Never mind, I mean you don't have to go to the ceremony tonight."

My eyes widen and with a smile, I pull up so that his face is inches away. "All the more reason to get a quick shag in, don't you think?" When he pulls back, I crash my lips against his and thread my fingers in his hair. Okay, a quick snog then! But damn, he feels bloody wonderful pressed against me.

Posted by: Auror Weasley (auror_weasley)
Posted at: November 30th, 2006 03:00 am (UTC)
Ron: Watching You

The part of my brain that thinks properly knows we shouldn't be doing this but my cock thinks something entirely different as it twitches in anticipation. I run my hands up his arms and try to pull back to catch my breath. His tongue parts my lips, his hands tug at my hair, and I can't help but give into what we both need.

Harry's tongue rubs against mine and I fight the urge to throw him down on the ground and have my way with him. His nails rake my scalp and when his hand slides down to stroke me through my jeans I groan into his mouth.


Harry and I jerk apart and I try to catch my breath when I hear Fred and George calling us from the house.



"Blimey," Fred voice rings out. "You don't think Ron was daft enough to talk Harry into flying today?"

"Brother of mine," George sighs. "You would think they don't want us to help them tonight."

Their footsteps grow closer and they're at our side before I can move completely away from Harry.

"Well, what have we here?"

"Harry had something in his eye," I mutter and quickly hand Harry a potion vial. "I was just checking him out after last night and all."

"You didn't learn anything from the dragon did you, Harry?" George smirks. "Fire hot."

Posted by: Auror Potter (auror_potter)
Posted at: November 30th, 2006 03:00 am (UTC)

"Seems he's not learned much, brother," Fred says standing between Ron and I and plopping down between us. "Budge up there will ya?"

George sits beside Ron and drapes one arm over Ron's shoulders. "Now… where should we start plucking?"

My eyes widen and Fred leans in to me. "Head I'd say. Not sure we'd find much elsewhere as young as these two are." He looks me up and down then gives me a cheeky wink.

"I think you're going to make a rather handsome Harry, Fred."

"Why thank you, George. Though I'm not certain we do much with your looks Ron."

"Shut it, eh." Ron says and I chuckle. I think he looks pretty damn good myself. Ron looks at me and clears his throat then turns to George. "Ever heard of personal space?"

"Ever heard of a breath mint? Honestly, no bird's ever gonna snog you with dragon breath like that," George says fanning his face. He slaps Ron's cheek and pinches it before calling out to Fred.

We exchange a quick glance and Ron's ears turn bright red.

"Right then… If we're going to get this over with…"

"We best get started, eh?" Fred pulls two vials from his robe pocket and hands one to George.

"Alright Harry, let's see those short and curlies, eh!"

"What?" I gasp and he chuckles.

"You really need to relax Harry. I was only joking." He drapes an arm around me and I suppose he and George synchronized their movements because Ron and I yelped at the same time and rubbed our heads where they had each plucked a few hairs.

Posted by: Auror Weasley (auror_weasley)
Posted at: November 30th, 2006 03:01 am (UTC)
Ron: Hands in pocket

"Oi!" I shout. "Bloody bastards that hurt!"

Fred and George give me identical grins and wink at Harry.

"You're such a pansy, Ron," George sighs. "We would have thought we raised you—"

"Better and yet here we are," Fred gives a dramatic swoon. "You almost fainting from a lock of your beautiful red hair being plucked."

"Maybe, he's afraid he'll lose all his hair like Kingsley." George replies.

"Don't say that name," Harry grunts. "Do you have any idea what happened last night?"

"We know you were hurt."

"That Ronniekin's played Healer."

"That Percy actually was a fairly nice bloke."

"Well what you don't know," I growl. "Is that the Auror that was holding Snape and Malfoy just let them walk away."

Fred's face darkens and he frowns, "What do you mean walk away?"

"Snape hexed me and was part of the Death Eater attack," Harry scowls. "Moody managed to put the two most incompetent Aurors in the world on them."

"We weren't informed of this," George slaps his hand on the ground. "You would think after all these years the Order might learn to communicate."

"How do you communicate?" I rub the back of my neck. "Moody won't tell us."

"Through our Patronus," Fred says before grinning. "You should work on yours. A Jack Russell Terrier—Blimey Ron that's not even magical."

Posted by: Auror Potter (auror_potter)
Posted at: November 30th, 2006 03:01 am (UTC)

I snort and Ron narrows his eyes at me. I give him a sheepish shrug and turn to Fred. "What's yours?"

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours," Fred replies and turns to look at George. "Ready, George?"

"Ready, Fred! EXPECTO PATRONUM" They shout simultaneously as they jump on their feet and topple me over. A pair of Siamese cats emerge from their wands and slowly make their way toward Ron and I. They call them back before the cats rub against our legs and Ron looks up and throws his head back laughing.

"What's the matter with him?" Fred asks.

"Must have finally snapped," George says.

"Mental, eh?" Fred steps forward and Ron clutches to my shirt laughing so hard, his eyes are watering.

"He says… he says mine's not ma… magical," Ron says between gasps of breath and laughter. "But… they… theirs is… just bunch of pussy!"

George slaps the back of Ron's head and Ron rolls over on the ground rolling almost on top of me. When my eyes widen and I swallow back the lump in my throat, he quickly straightens up and sits up and away from me. Not now… please not now… I mentally berate my cock for springing to action and hope no one notices.

"Do you know what you'll have to do?" I ask after clearing my throat several times.

Posted by: Auror Weasley (auror_weasley)
Posted at: November 30th, 2006 03:01 am (UTC)
Ron: Horrified

"It's quite simple actually," George says and pulls a vial of polyjuice potion out of his pocket. "I drop a few of Harry's—"

"I'm going to be Harry," Fred interjects. "I don't want to be Ron!"

"We've been over this Fred," George sighs and taps the top of his Polyjuice vial. "You have to be Ron because I'm older."

"Hold on," I interject. "I may rethink this whole thing. I don't know if I want either of you two pretending to be—"

"Ron," Harry nudges me in the ribs. "I don't want to go to this damn ceremony."

"Fine," I grunt and cross my arms over my chest. "But I want George to be me."

"Fine," Harry smirks. "I want Fred to be me—he's the smart one."

I laugh and nudge Harry, "Fred smart?"

"I meant smarter," Harry retorts and Fred glares at me. "Besides I'm still not sure of what they are going to do."

"We, my young friends, are going to be perfectly behaved."

"Right…and mum never had sex!"

Fred puts his hands over his ears and George clutches his chest and fakes dying.

"We told you," Fred shouts. "Never to mention Mum and sex in the same sentence!"

I laugh, "Seriously, don't kiss up to any of them."

Posted by: Auror Potter (auror_potter)
Posted at: November 30th, 2006 03:02 am (UTC)
Harry Confused

I'd rather be kissing you right now, I think and shake my head to clear it as George thwaps Ron on the back of the head for mentioning their Mum having sex. I have to admit, I'm not keen on the thought myself.

Fred takes the vial and quickly adds my hairs to it and grins cheekily when George gave him the one-finger salute and unpopped the cork in his vial to add Ron's hairs.

"Oh this is not going to be good," Ron groans.

"Ready George?"

"Hang on!" I jump up and stop them. "You're going to need clothes!"

George looks down and asks, "what's wrong…"

"With these?" Fred adds.

"They're two sizes too big, that's what!" Ron says to Fred, then turns to George. "You're going to need longer trousers."

Posted by: Auror Weasley (auror_weasley)
Posted at: November 30th, 2006 03:02 am (UTC)
Ron/Harry: Ron laughing at Harry

"Auror Uniforms," I say quickly. "Look they're up in my room. I don't want to see you as me."

"You're afraid I'll be a better you," Fred grins. "How you going to get this past Mum and Dad."

"We told them we would meet them there," I grin. "'course the offer of a Muggle hotel room might have persuaded them a bit."

"You think that's wise, Harry," Fred asked and nudged George. "Dad in a Muggle hotel?"

"It's going back to the old mum and sex thing, yeah?" I grin at Fred.

"Well boys," George shudders. "With that we're off. We'll just Apparate to Ron's room and be off."

They were gone before I could say anything else and I looked at Harry.

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

We head back inside for breakfast and I realize I never got to finish Harry's examination.

Maybe I'll make a game of it later. We can play Auror/Healer